FAÇADE: A STORY OF DECEPTION (THE END)
EPISODE 11
The days rolled by quickly into weeks, I was still lodged in my hotel but going to work every day. I haven’t seen Nathan since I left him with Kola at my mum’s place two weeks ago. Kola also refused to sign the divorce papers, and his mum wouldn’t stop calling me every day to appeal on his behalf for me not to proceed with the divorce.
I miss Nathan so much, and I badly wanted to speak with him, so I decided to put a call through to Kola, but he didn’t pick up.
“This man is not taking my son away from me,” I said to myself as I stood up to go to his house.
I took a cab outside of the hotel and headed for the house.
“Madam, welcome ooo. Long time no see,” the gate man greeted me as I got down from my cab in front of the house.
“Thank you, John. Is Oga around?”
“Yes, he dey inside.”
“Alright,” I responded as I went into the building.
My heart was beating fast as I went in, I didn’t know what to expect from seeing Kola, and a part of me secretly hoped that he would be asleep so that I could just take Nathan away without him knowing.
Once I reached the door, Kola opened it almost immediately. He must have seen me through the window.
“Hello Vivian, I didn’t know you were coming.”
“If you had picked my call, maybe you would have known,” I retorted, brushing past him to go into the house.
Nathan came to hug me immediately he spotted me, and I couldn’t be more excited to see him.
“My baby, I have missed you so much,” I said, giving him a big hug.
“I miss you too, mummy. Can I go back home with you.”
“Yes, baby, we are going back together.”
“Not so soon,” Kola interjected from where he stood, leaning on the front door.
I knew our conversation was headed towards a fierce argument, so I took Nathan’s hand and led him into his room.
“Mummy, is it true that you and daddy won’t live together anymore?” Nathan asked with a sad face the moment he sat down on his bed
“Who told you that?”
“Nobody, but you and daddy do not live together anymore, and you are always fighting.”
“Baby, I and daddy just have a little misunderstanding that we need to resolve, after which we would all continue to live together again.”
“Okay, mummy,” he responded with a smile.
“I need to go and meet daddy now, play with your toys, I will be back soon, “I said before I shut the door firmly behind him.
“Oh lord, what do I do now?” I thought to myself
I knew that it would hurt Nathan if he finds out that truly we wouldn’t live together as a family anymore, but I can’t seem to get past what Kola did to me. I still loved him, and I knew that he had been making moves to be better. His mum told me that he has been going for his psychotherapy sessions regularly, and he has also refused to sign the divorce papers, which means that he was still hoping I would change my mind. But here I was, confused about what to do next.
When I got back into the sitting room, Kola was still standing at the spot where I left him,
“You must be joking Kola, you took my son away from me for over two weeks, and now you are saying I can’t take him with me? “ I said once I reached where he was standing.
“No Vivian, you are the joker here. You took our son away for over three months, without even telling anyone where you were. I was alone in this house, worried sick and crying every day.
“I don’t even have the time to argue with you right now, what more do I expect from a man like you anyway? Please just sign the divorce papers, and let’s get this over with.”
“A man like me? Seriously Vee? I loved you with everything I had, I still love you, and you know that. I know what I did was wrong, and I would forever live with the guilt and regret, but if the roles were reversed, I would forgive you and give you a second chance. That is all I am asking for from you, a second chance to prove that I am a changed man now”.
He left where he was standing and came to kneel in front of me,
“Please, Vee, I will do everything it takes and everything you want me to do to prove that I am a better man now.
I didn’t know where the tears were coming from, but I knew they were rolling down my eyes as well as his.
Before I could think twice, I said,
“Kola, even though I am deeply hurt by what you did, I know that you didn’t choose to do it from the onset. I haven’t forgiven you totally, neither am I ready to withdraw my divorce petition yet, but I am willing to give you the last chance to prove yourself worthy to remain, my husband, at least for Nathan’s sake. When is your next appointment with your psychotherapist? I would like to go with you”.
I could see the joy on his face as he responded to my question,
“It’s tomorrow.” He said, standing up from his kneeling position
“Perfect. Just text me the time and address, I’ll meet you there.
“Okay, I’ll drop Nathan at my parent’s place on my way to there tomorrow.”
“Alright that would work”
“Thank you, Vee. You have no idea how much this means to me.”
“You’re welcome,” I responded as I went into Nathan’s room.
EPISODE 12
I met Kola in the psychotherapist’s office the next day.
Dr. Sola, the psychotherapist, is a very calm looking man with a warm smile.
“Welcome, please have your seat,” he greeted us with a smile as we walked into his office.
“I am delighted that you decide to attend this therapy session with your husband,” he said to me after I sat down.
“You know, in my psychotherapy practice, I’ve been addressing the many-faceted issue of straight men who have gay sex—how easy it may be to conclude that such men are gay or bisexual and simply in denial of their true sexual orientation, but in most instances, this may not be the case.
What we find, instead, is that memories about the abuse from another male can become eroticized for a man, which then compels him to seek out same-sex encounters or porn. This does not mean that he is gay or bisexual, though he may have enduring fantasies about gay sex.
Childhood sexual abuse of boys, perpetrated by another male, may lead a man to, again and again, seek out sexual encounters with men in an unconscious effort to resolve the guilt and shame he feels around the original encounter.
He has a shame imprint that prevents him from talking about this with anyone, until, of course, his behavior has brought about some crisis in his heterosexual relationship. Perhaps his partner has discovered some of these secret encounters, or the man is having intimacy problems, trouble getting or keeping an erection, or reaching orgasm.
I encounter more of these situations in my office than you might imagine, and I have found that the first step is to see the man who has been abused in childhood in individual therapy, which is what Mr kola has been doing for the past three months now. We have been working through his grief and his anger at the loss of innocent sexual development, helping him understand how his own sexuality was eclipsed by the sexuality of the perpetrator, leaving him sexually disoriented. He knows that he is straight, but continues to try to unconsciously resolve the tension between his fantasies and his sexual identity by seeking out these gay sexual encounters. We tend to confuse behavior with identity, but this is not always the case. Sexual abuse will not orient you; it will disorient you.
Now, the next step in therapy is to get the client into a men’s sexual abuse group. I often find that men who have experienced childhood sexual abuse have been silent about it throughout their life. Being able to openly talk about it with other men helps reduce shame, which is huge. Victims of childhood sexual abuse will typically carry the shame of the perpetrator, as well as their own. Getting out from behind the veil of secrecy is necessary if one is to successfully shed this shame. Mr. Kola had also joined a men’s sexual abuse group last month, and I can already see the impact.
The final step now is to get the man and his partner into couple’s therapy to work on the trust and intimacy issues. However, I must say that I am a little bit surprised that Mr. Kola was able to maintain a good and normal sexual life with you even while he was having gay sex.
Regardless, I am happy that you are here with him, and I want to appeal with you to please start this couple’s therapy with him.
I know you filed for divorce already, but I want to believe that for you to come with here today, you are willing to give Mr. Kola a second chance. Or am I wrong?
As the therapist waited for my response, Kola looked up at me pleadingly,
“Dr. Sola, before I answer your question, I would like to say that I am glad I came here today because you have given me an insight into what is going on with my husband, and you have answered some of the questioned that have been going through my mind. Yes, I came here to answer your question because I want to give Kola a second chance, and I am ready to attend the couple’s therapy sessions with him. Although, I wouldn’t be withdrawing the divorce petition until I am sure that I still want to be married to him.”
“That is understandable. Mr. Kola, what do you have to say about this?”
“I will go with whatever Vee says,” Kola responded.
“Okay. That will be all for today. See you both next week, thank you for coming”.
EPILOGUE
As I stood in front of our new home while Kola was taking our bags in, I couldn’t help but remember the quote from Joseph Campbell that said,
“We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.”
I thought I had everything planned out for my life from the beginning until the end. Still, life happened, and even though I could have chosen to keep dwelling in the past, feeling sad and blaming everyone for my misfortune, instead, I chose to look past the fact that my plans didn’t go as planned and embraced a new future.
After completing the couple’s therapy session with Kola, I withdrew my divorce petition and moved back in with him.
I eventually convinced him that we should relocate to Australia, and here we are, one year after the whole struggle, ready for a fresh new beginning.
Stella divorced Jude and moved with us to Australia with her baby.
Although I didn’t have the best mother to daughter relationship with my mum yet, I have learned to get along with her better.
Nathan was very excited about our coming back to Australia, this time as a family.
Even though it wasn’t straightforward managing our businesses from afar, Kola, and I had developed a system to make our companies work well while we weren’t physically present.
We may not know what the future holds, but whatever comes our way, we would be ready to take it on and make the best of it.
THE END.
Authors note:
It’s been a long time coming, I know. I have been continuously asking myself why I started writing this story in the first place when I knew that I wouldn’t be completing it soon.
And then, there are those amazing people who consistently reached out to me ask when I would complete the story. So I finally got my lazy ass up, took my laptop, and started typing.
When I was done typing the first draft, I forgot to save what I wrote (almost 2,000 words), and somehow everything just disappeared into thin air. I literally cried my eyes out because I was very upset, but I knew I had to rewrite it against all the odds, and here we are today.
I sincerely hope that if a time ever comes in your life when you believe that everything is finished and all hope is lost, you will see it as a chance for a new beginning, and you will stand up to start something new for yourself.
Façade was inspired by the many stories I have heard about male children being sexually assaulted by other men, and the fact that these issues are rarely discussed hurts me. Although I didn’t dive deep into the subject matter, I hope that the bodies involved in issues like this will begin to raise proper awareness about it.
Watch out for my next series, and don’t forget to sign up for my newsletters.
PS: Your comments and likes mean a lot me.
Love always,
Poria.
Xoxo
Source of therapist’s recommendations:
